Okay so I’ve had this open in tabs for days because I keep meaning to write (relatively) serious tumblr fic on it about like, Sulu’s feelings about sabre vs. epee and the first bout he ever won and shit, but the truth is I keep coming back to this thought about how Sulu uses this one big-ass horizontal Jeffries tube off of engineering to run through his footwork sometimes, because it’s just the right size for it and Scotty’s really cool about it and Sulu finds it relaxing? Plus it’s important to keep yourself in practice, especially if you fence with the level of competence that Sulu does, his body must be ready at all times etc.
Only then one day there’s this like, Starfleet banquet thing or something they have to go to, and Jim and Bones agree that Spock needs to learn to dance because at the last one of these things he embarrassed himself (“AND YOUR SHIP,” Jim insists, “ALL BRIDGE CREW ON THE USS ENTERPRISE MUST BE ABLE TO SHAKE WHAT THEIR PARENTAL FIGURES GAVE THEM,” while Bones sits in a corner muttering to himself about who else aboard this ship might be embarrassing, Captain Look In A Goddamn Mirror). And when Spock raises an eyebrow at Nyota she coughs and is kind of like, “Uh, yeah, I was planning to employ some tact in mentioning it, but yes, last time was bad,” and so they send him down to engineering because Scotty is widely acknowledged as the best dancer on the ship. Spock, of course, is basically planning to live long and not give a fuck on the whole issue, but when Jim and Nyota agree on something he tends to do it because it just makes everything easier for everyone. (Dr. McCoy’s opinions, obviously, are immaterial, as he is impossible to please at all times.)
And, I mean, you can guess what happens here: Spock comes across Sulu going through his footwork and assumes it’s the dancing lesson because, really, all human dancing seems like nonsensical footmoving to Spock, and when Sulu turns around and sees Spock copying him he assumes Spock wants to learn fencing, which, hey, about time someone took some interest in what is obviously the best form of self-defense around. But of course the most important part of fencing is the footwork so Sulu doesn’t do anything that would clear up the confusion, like, you know, hand Spock a sword, before the banquet, he just keeps correcting him on form and running him through longer and longer drills.
And anyway all this is how, at the next Starfleet banquet, Sulu returns from a trip to the bathroom only to see Jim shaking with laughter, McCoy with a hand over his eyes, and Nyota with her fingers covering her mouth as she looks at… Spock, in full dress uniform and with the straightest face imaginable, doing a series of perfect lunges across the center of an otherwise empty dance floor.
On the plus side, Sulu thinks, his form is excellent. He’ll be ready for practice bouts any day now.